On vacation last week I walked past a certain tree all week on the way down to the boat without thinking twice.
Then on the last day I actually looked at it.
I did a double take, unsure of what I was looking at.
At first it looked like an evergreen.
Then it looked like a….well not an evergreen.
Upon closer examination I discovered it was three trees in one.
It reminded me of lesson in leadership.
The way we lead communicates who we are.
But many of us don’t know who we are.
We’re pretending.
We’re unsure.
We’re unstable. 
We’re looking to our followers to tell us who we are.
We’re impostors.
Upon closer examination, we’re three leaders in one.
We’re split and therefore so is our effectiveness.
In my new book, Your Secret Name, chapter 5 is titled Impostor Syndrome.
According to experts, 80% of us feel like we’re faking it at one time or another.
Until we answer the question-”Who am I?”…until we discover our Secret Name…we’ll struggle with living and leading as an impostor.
We’ll have moments of freedom and then run back into our chains.
We’ll have glimmers of courage and then cave into our fear-based leadership style.
Here’s a quick excerpt from Your Secret Name:
Who am I?
When trying to answer this critical question, most of us tend to look every direction, but the right one.
Sometimes we look inward–via mirrors.
Mirrors do serve a purpose: they tell us how we look. Unfortunately, they have their limitations: they can’t tell us who we are–despite how intently we peer into them. Mirrors might help us see our misplaced hair or perhaps our missing hair, but they can’t reflect our true identities.
And so other times we look outward–via people.
People do give their unsolicited impressions regarding who they think we are. We often digest their impressions and convince ourselves to be satisfied with the trivial terms they grant us. This reality fuels our addiction to affirmation, motivates us to work the long hours, and convinces us to buy the latest lotion that promises to reverse the effects of aging–because as long as the performance keeps flowing, so do the Given Names.
But the truth is only looking one direction–upward–will reveal our Secret Name. Fellow humans, no matter how loudly they speak, can never replace the voice of the Father. And mirrors, no matter how sparkling they appear, can never clear up the fog. God’s whisper alone satisfies our soul ache because God alone knows us better than we know ourselves.
Looking toward any other direction–inward or outward–for cues on who we are only accentuates the hypocrisy and duplicity that inhabits our hearts. Hypocrisy–because nobody completely bridges the chasm between what we say and how we act. Duplicity–because on some levels, we’re all impostors.
Intentionally or unintentionally, we all wear a certain set of masks. Partial disclosure isn’t bad all the time; it protects us from shame and embarrassment. But many of us wear our masks far too frequently–so much that we’ve lost touch with our potential for who God created us to be.
Excerpt taken from Your Secret Name by Kary Oberbrunner, published by Zondervan, available here via Amazon for $10.19 (ISBN: 978-0310285465). More info www.yoursecretname.com
I really like this posting because not only are we given a story but also a visual to feel the whole tale. I also enjoyed the overarching message you present. I think we very often find ourselves in a postion where we are not ourselves and trying too har to be someone else. I think to avoid this we must re-evaluate ourselves often.
Awesome Kary. This post is so spot on. This is where I find myself often, forgetting to walk in my new name and instead letting the world dictate to me who I am. I call it the “crazy” cycle. Great thoughts. Thank you.
I’m not a leader. Unless you call leading 3 teens to the water and trying to make them drink a leader. However, whenever you bring up the topic of “masks” I can always go there. I’ve had so many. I try to get rid of those things when I realize I am wearing one. Very often when I put aside the mask I feel really exposed. Like I’m out there all by myself with nothing to cover me. It is in that moment that I let the Lord clothe me in His righteousness. When I let Him cover me………I can see who I am in Him. The pretending fades away and people just have to take me as I am. The good, the bad and the ugly. Because, oh yeah, there is ugly there. But remember what I said, “The Lord clothes me in His righteousness.” I totally agree with Melissa in that we must do self-evaluations on a regular basis. Julie, unfortunately many things can put me on the “crazy cycle” and at least I am aware of most of them. As always Kary, thanks!
Melissa, Julie, and Mitz….wow….what insight. I love it. I must ask though…where are the men’s comments on this post? Hiding? Wearing masks.
Hope not. It was a few authentic guys that helped me emerge from my fear-based lifestyle over a decade ago.
Thanks for taking the lead ladies. We’re all in it together as brothers and sisters.
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