Did Ted cross the line in today’s interview?

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This afternoon I was interviewed on Northland Notebook by Ted Elm of WWJC out of Duluth, MN . Our conversation was supposed to center on my new book, The Fine Line. Ted started the interview by asking me about the rationale behind my brand – Recovering Pharisee.  (Listen to the interview here)

Sensing an open door and being willing to walk through it, I shared about my past struggles with depression and cutting, even while as a pastor at my first church.

I think I shocked Ted. He kept asking questions and they got more and more personal.

Did you use a razor blade? Where did you cut yourself? Do you have scars? Are you still tempted to do this?ted

Why did I keep answering his questions? My heart goes out to the 3 million Americans who admit to struggling with self-injury. Too often I think the church is silent about this relatively new phenomenon. More than silence though, my guess is that we just don’t know how to deal with it.

So do you think Ted crossed the line in this interview? Was he too invasive or maybe not enough? How should the church respond to self-injurers? I’d like to know your thoughts.

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  • http://tmamone.blogspot.com Travis

    I haven’t the time to listen to the interview now, so I can’t comment on Ted at this moment. But I do commend you for being open about cutting. I’m a recovering cutter myself, and while I think the Church has made progress understanding mental illness, cutting is still a weird subject for many Christians.

    • Kary Oberbrunner

      Thanks for your courage too Travis. May God continue to heal us both.

  • http://www.gabetaviano.com Gabe Taviano

    I think if someone opens a door (as you did), I guess that says that they are fine being asked more details. It’s hard to pass up interesting topics when running an interview, that’s for sure. There are times when the media invades a bit too much, but usually when the person on the other end doesn’t open the door. Thanks for asking – I applaud you for asking us for our thoughts, that’s for sure! And also for being humble enough to share!

    • Kary Oberbrunner

      Thanks for your insight Gabe. Looking forward to next Thursday night. I am working on my 100 words and will get it to you by the deadline.

  • Bill

    Kary – Did Ted cross the line? In the media there is no line anymore – even in Christian media. Maybe there never was a line… Ted revealed a morbid curiosity that probably many people have about habits and hurts that others have. I think his questions demonstrated a lack of professionalism, but in many of us we have this curious 7-year-old inside of us that would love to ask more questions – but we just don’t. Ted let his 7-year-old do the first part of the interview. I think you handled it well — you kept bringing the discussion back to Christ and the conversation showed that God can be glorified, even in the small-mindedness of the questions Ted initially asked. Later in the interview Ted did do well bringing out the message well. He concluded by saying it was “an interesting interview”… In Minnesota, I’ve learned that “interesting” means “I don’t know what to do with it.” Which in this case is probably a compliment!

    • Kary Oberbrunner

      Bill,
      So glad you were able to tune in. Great insight man. So they have a different vocab in MN hey? I will be on MN radio on Wed. night and on Sat. Am. Stay tuned to blog for those times. I hope all is well with your family. We miss you guys a whole bunch. I see Anne’s co-worker Sonny at the YMCA often. I told him to say hi to her.

      Kary

  • http://pete-theoverflowofmyheart.blogspot.com/ Peter Sheffer

    Hey Kary,
    I also haven’t listend to the interview, but I will. I agree that those types of questions are a bit too personal. I can relate to having that type of desire for answers when someone is sharing some deep struggle that they have. It is important though, that we not focus so much on the struggle itself, but rather the hope and help we have in Jesus Christ.

    • Kary Oberbrunner

      Great insight Peter. Christ is our only hope. Thanks for commenting.

  • Lori Moore

    Kary,

    Often times we can be derailed in a conversation that we meant to go in one direction, but when someone touches on a wound that is deep within us, we go down that path to the core of the pain and then later wonder how we allowed that to happen.

    Did your interviewer step over the line? I don’t think so. You may remember that I recently sent you a paragraph to a possible later book that I titled “Hush-hush the Broken”. When pastors (or in my case), missionaries, and every day Christians are hurting, broken, even destructive (such as in your case) it is “hush-hushed”. If the pain is shared at all, the suffering person is made to feel as if they are not spiritual enough. Where does a hurting brother or sister have to turn after having been served up the spiritual hammer? (“if you just prayed a little harder”……”just another opportunity to trust God”…..”maybe you just need to get right with God”…..) And what if the church is the cause of the pain in the first place? I will tell you what. We just don’t talk about it (in the open). It’s all hush-hush. And if you happen to fall in public, like some have, you will be cut off. We can’t tarnish our image.

    The church in general embraces unbelieving folks who are hurting. We want to “finish the task” of saving people, but once they have accepted Jesus, we think we’re done. We’ve sent them on their way to the ‘abundant life’. A wounded, mature Christian is not allowed to suffer in the open. We don’t want to hear that the pastor is cutting himself. We don’t want to hear that the missionary is angry and disappointed with God, paralyzed in pain. If we let that out, what will the unbelievers think?

    Stories need to be told. We need to be authentic, even with our struggles with our faith, and stop re-wounding our broken brothers and sisters so we can feel superior/ more spiritual (“thank you Lord that I am not as bad as he/she is”). If we are not real in our walk, how can we expect the outside world to see the victories in our lives?

    And so, you see, I have gone down the path of my own pain a little bit….

    Keep up the good work, Kary.
    Blessings,
    Lori Moore

  • Bill Brown

    Kary, don’t worry whether he went too far. He went just as far as the Lord wanted him to go. So tell me this, and I already know the answer, don’t you pray before you go on for wisdom and His things to come out of your mouth? Don’t you have a whole posse of people praying for you daily for just the opportunities as these? You know all things are of God. Someone in his radio audience needed just the amount of transparency you gave…and He knew it. Well done good and faithful servant.

    • Kary Oberbrunner

      Good reminder Bill. And you know it. I do pray before. Thanks for your kind words.

  • Timmy shawn Quade

    Kary a man named Tommy Nelson is a bigtime preacher in Dallas Texas just did a really great interview with Dr.James Dobson concerning depression.
    Boy was it good.
    Also to encourage you some of the greatest preachers like C.H. Spurgeon struggled with depression.
    Keep focused on Jesus who sets the captives free.
    You are a strong light in this world.

    • Kary Oberbrunner

      Wow Timmy. Thanks for the encouragement man. Truly we all are broken people in need of Jesus’ healing.

  • http://disciplesworld.wordpress.com Rebecca

    I don’t think Ted went too far. Mostly he let you talk, which is what I want from an interviewer – not interrupting or dominating. Some of your subject matter may be been foreign to him (he sounds much older than you, for one thing), but I think he tried to hang in there with you and ask questions his audience might be thinking. Mostly I thank you for your honesty and thoughtful responses.

  • gerald hunt

    I’ve been on the radio before and it never goes quite the way it is planned.

    Personally I thought the interveiw came off well because he went down that path. You made some great points about how God helped you to be released from the bondage of this sin. I am sure many could relate to your struggles, whether it be self mutilation, or other sins that we all experience and are addicted to. When we admit our sin and give glory to God for how he brought us out of it, it only increases our credibility. You got in the neccessary info about your book toward the end.

    • Kary Oberbrunner

      Man you’re deep.

  • Susan Harper

    Kary, At first when I heard the interview I thought Ted went too far and wouldn’t let go of the cutting issue but after letting my emotions get out of the way i see things differently. The interview was a living example of walking the fine line! You didn’t get upset and press on to talk about your book but patiently answered his questions over & over to the point that it showed a living example to the listeners. We know God works all things for good and the “book” interview turned “cutting confession” i know will help others suffering. God is Good! Susan Harper

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